STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE TO DOING THE VCR
PART 4 of 4
STEP 13 – TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD AND TWO STEPS BACK
I had some serious afterthoughts about STEP 12 when we turned over custody of our Veteran Car to people (i.e. truck drivers and air cargo loading personnel) who invariably have no idea how to operate a brass era vehicle. I have nightmarish visions of some dummy (I use the term “dummy” in a non-pejorative sense) trying to figure out how to release the brake or put the car in neutral; then giving up in frustration and resorting to brute force to make the vehicle move. Broken gears and levers? Not if I can help it! There won’t be any broken levers, gears, or anything else for us if we take the following precaution.
Get out your camera and photo editing software because we are about to create a 1-3 page full color:
“Dummies Guide for people who really need to move a brass era vehicle but have absolutely no idea how to operate it and are probably going to forgo common sense and try to anyways ultimately breaking something that’s impossible to fix and/or replace in the process”.
Sounds like a bestseller to me!
The guide will also come in handy when we meet more people who’ll need to move our brass era baby in STEP 14.
If I were to choose a short list of things to put in the guide, they would be the following:
- DO NOT START VEHICLE! (put that in large red boldface type at the top of the page)
- HOW TO PUT THE CAR IN NEUTRAL (show step by step photos with text)
- HOW TO ENGAGE AND RELEASE THE BRAKES (w/photos and text)
- FUEL SHUTOFF VALVE (even though our car will fly with an empty tank)
- SAFE TIE DOWN POINTS TO SECURE THE VEHICLE with a note to NOT OVERTIGHTEN
I wouldn’t have thought of this last point if it weren’t for an episode of Chasing Classic Cars, where classic car guru Wayne Carini (through some incredible lapse of judgement that I still can’t fathom) chose to have a 100+ year old wooden chassis antique car transported 200 miles atop a common flatbed wrecker. The driver of said wrecker was doing his best to help put the “wreck” into wrecker when he torqued down the nylon transport straps so tightly that the wooden chassis made cracking noises and began to separate from the body. Waltzing - Tango - Foxtrot?! We will NOT, I repeat, NOT under any circumstances be doing what I will forever call a “Carini”. Instead, we’re going to determine the safest tiedown points well in advance of shipping the car and perhaps even mark them on the vehicle with brightly colored tape that corresponds to the photos.
Make Three (3) laminated copies of your “Dummies Guide”:
- one to use (zip tie it to the steering wheel/tiller)
- one to lose, and
- one as a backup to keep with your spare parts stash
digitize the guide in case all three of the above are lost or misplaced
With that out of the way we get to step forward from where we left off in STEP 12 and…
STEP 14 – GET A ROOM!
Make that Three (3) Rooms – One for you and your bestie, one for your bucket of cash and one for your brass era baby (aka a “car park”).
For comfort and convenience, I would recommend staying someplace on Park Lane directly adjacent to Hyde Park. I prefer the Hilton on Park Lane where I’ve stayed on holiday in the past and which provided excellent customer service and hospitality to me and my travel companions.
Another major benefit of the Hilton is that the hotel management and employees are very familiar with the sight and sound of loud, smelly, smoking, belching VCR participants hanging out at the hotel. Just to be clear, I’m talking about the cars warming up at the hotel entrance prior to the Motor Show and Run.
Duncan Pittaway prepping his 1899 Salveson 0500 hours GMT
at the Hilton Park Lane
(Photo courtesy of (AoHE) Association of Heritage Engineers | Oxford, UK)
You might also consider the Intercontinental London Park Lane or the Four Seasons London Hotel at Park Lane both of which are exceptionally well located to the Queen Elizabeth Gate at Hyde Park Corner. I have no intel on how accommodating these properties are to the Veteran Car warm-up process noted above. You may want to ask the hotels about their smoking and belching policy before reserving.
Regardless of where you choose to stay the one thing your hotel or vacation rental must have is covered/protected parking for a few days before and after the VCR.
At present, we’re only in town for 4-5 days to get the VCC Dating Certificate inspection so a hotel budget of around $3,900 sounds about right. Triple or quadruple that figure if you’re splurging on a Presidential Suite.
The more perspicuous reader will note that I tried to avoid the elephant in the room issue of all the excess baggage by making a facetious reference to the bucket of cash. We will need to ditch all of the spare tires and other items before getting to the hotel. Here's what we're going to do...
Before checking in at the hotel, we'll be stopping at VANGUARD SELF STORAGE at Oxford Circus to rent a 10 sq/ft Locker to store all of the kit we brought as excess baggage.
I chatted with VANGUARD's customer service representative regarding their website statement that the storage is for "local residents only". Apparently, non-UK persons can also rent the lockers but will need to provide the following at the time of rental:
- Drivers License
- Passport
- Current Utility Bill showing your name and address
Now that we've ditched all of our excess baggage, it's time for some separation anxiety because we aren’t parking our veteran car at the hotel just yet. That comes a couple days before the Regent Street Motor Show and The Run itself.
Choosing a hotel room and self-storage was easy. Choosing a car park is a bit more complicated.
Ideally, said car park would be located near both Hyde Park and your hotel as well as:
- have high level security
- meet ISO9001 standards
- have a detailed and systematic induction process for every vehicle
- provide a dehumidified climate-controlled environment
- allow 24/7 access to your vehicle
- provide a tailored breathable cover (but you’ve already got that from STEP 9)
- have an automatic battery conditioner (if you need it)
- keep fully documented and digitally backed-up individual vehicle records
- be responsive, professional, and *courteous
(*I was invited to tour the facility and chat over coffee but couldn’t do either because I’m currently 5,500 statute miles west of London as I type this)
(** I’ve just learned that in Britain there is a difference between VAT (Value Added Tax) and V.A.T. (Vodka And Tonic).)
We need to bust out the calculator again...
WHY THAT??? ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!
... because WINDRUSH’s Central London facility has a height limit of 2.1 meters which the conversion formula from freaky-deaky metric to something I understand is…
2.1 meters × conversion factor of 39.37007874019 = 82.6771653544 inches
Let’s look at a real-world case to see if we’re over the limit.
As an example, let’s say we’re parking a 1901 Benz. Like many Veteran Cars it can have two different heights:
With the Cabriolet Top DOWN the Benz is 1500 mm divided by conversion factor 25.4 = 59.05512 inches which is 23.6220453544 inches less than the maximum allowable height. (Great! It Fits!)
Whereas…
With the Cabriolet Top UP the Benz is 2500 mm = 98.4252 inches which is 15.7480346456 inches above the maximum height limit. (It Won’t Fit!)
I suppose a good general rule is to GO TOPLESS whenever possible.
12 weeks x £150 per week storage fee = £1800 plus VAT (however much that is)
Windrush Car Storage was incredibly responsive and professional when replying to my query and they would be my first choice for vehicle storage in Central London. No, I don’t work for them. I’m basing my opinion on their glowing reviews, the video on their homepage and my overall impressions when interacting with their representatives.
I got so wound up in the math that I almost forgot this is a business trip to get our car a VCC Dating Certificate in Hampshire about 68 miles southeast of London. Ready for a road trip?
STEP 15 – BABY CAN YOU TOW MY CAR?
Hey! I’ve got an idea for a new song. How about…
Baby can you tow my car?
Hampshire’s really not so far
Baby can you tow my car?
And Baby I’££ PAAAYYYYYYYYYYYOUUUU!
Beep beep’m beep beep, yeahhhhh
Not exactly the makings of a hit song, but very descriptive of what we need to do next.
If you’ve forgone the OPTIONAL FANCY FOOTWORK – Sashay / Chasse in STEP 11, you’ll need to trust that your veteran car was safely delivered by the freight forwarder from LHR to the covered car park that will be its home for the next 60 – 90 days.
Now we need to get our veteran car from storage in central London down to Hampshire following the A4 to the M4 to the M3 to the A 272. Is anyone else thinking back to STEP 6 and the “A” to “M” ignition switch on the 1904 Darracq? Hmmm. Is that strange coincidence or what? A mystery for another time. Back to the issue at hand.
Since we don’t know anyone in London with a tow vehicle that we can borrow and Mike Brewer isn’t in our speed dial (at least not mine) to come over with his Wheeler Dealer Land Rover to do us a solid and haul brass baby down to H-town, we’ll need to do something else, namely hire a company to transport the car to and from the VCC in Hampshire.
An ideal transport company for our needs would:
- Be locally situated within metropolitan London
- Offer enclosed transportation
- Have extensive experience with classic vehicles
- Have excellent reviews and testimonials
- Have a proven track record for on time performance
- Be insured for loss or damage during transport
- And most important - be able to wait in Hampshire while our Veteran Car is being inspected
All of this is starting to sound a lot like BSM Car Transport of London which meets all our criteria noted above. When I contacted BSM they replied almost instantly to my query which I sent late in the afternoon Pacific Time and near midnight Greenwich Mean Time. Impressive!
Another reputable company I contacted was Webb's of Weybridge which provides bespoke delivery and collection services for classic cars. The service representative at Webb’s was very courteous and promptly replied to my queries. Webb’s uses Range Rover tow vehicles, so you can fantasize that Mike Brewer did you a solid and is towing baby with his Landy.
The companies above are two excellent transport options for getting our vehicle to and from Hampshire inclusive of the driver’s wait time. We will budget a range of around £1000 for round trip trailer transport.
Two things to note here:
- Odds are the transport driver won’t know how to start, stop, put the car in gear etc. all of which translates to you being there on both ends to load and unload the vehicle regardless of the Dummies Guide zip tied to the tiller.
- I don’t believe that any transport company will allow a vehicle owner to travel with the driver of the transport trailer. As such…
We’ll need to rent a car (or “car hire” as it’s called in the UK) from SIXT which is conveniently located to the left of the concierge desk in the lobby of the Hilton on Park Lane.
Let’s budget £235 for a Skoda Octavia Estate car (or similar) inclusive of Rental Protection, Satellite Navigation (you’ll need it), Additional Driver (yes, bestie gets to drive at least one direction), and the oh so important Receipt by E-mail.
Put in your own gas (sorry, I mean “petrol”) before returning the rental car. There’s an Open 24 Hours ESSO station on Park Lane about ½ mile from the Hilton where you can top up the tank. Figure about £35 for gas… err uh “petrol”.
- Count on an early start to VCC inspection day.
- It’s probably going to be a weekday.
- Traffic will be heavy.
You will need to pick up your SIXT rental before meeting the BSM CAR TRANSPORT and/or WEBB’S OF WEYBRIDGE driver at WINDRUSH CAR STORAGE.
The SIXT desk opens at 8:30 AM. Aim to meet your driver at Windrush around 9 – 9:30 AM. Loaded and on the road by 10 AM. Follow the BSM and/or WEBB’S driver if you like. At least you’ll get to H-town at the same time as they do and not get lost in the process.
Did I mention that this was going to be an incredibly detailed step-by-step guide? If you’ve ever tried dancing (and I mean real dancing, be it ballroom, ballet, hip hop, etc.) you’re already aware that there is a difference between someone “dancing” and someone just “doing the movements”. Dancing is about feeling, knowing and expressing the movement, but it is also about nuance found in the details. You know real dancing when you see it because of the flow, just as you know rote movements when you see those masquerading as dance. There is a huge difference. You, my friend, are going to “dance” this VCR dance and after finishing this step-by-step tutorial you will know all the details to make it happen and as a bonus look damn good doing it.
But my digression has gotten me off track. Hmmm… bucket of cash, way over budget, put a ring on it, got hitched. Oh yes! Of course, we were going topless and everything was totally pants! I believe that means it’s time to…
STEP 16 – DRESS FOR SUCCESS
To many people, a car is a wardrobe accessory to be worn much like an expensive watch or diamond necklace.
In our case the brass era car is our Victorian/Edwardian wardrobe accessory, and we will need a clothing outfit to match. Bugger! (I believe that’s the British English term I’m looking for) Make that two outfits because your tagalong bestie needs one too. Let’s pour out some more $$$
How much to budget for period correct clothing? It depends on how much money is left in the bucket and whether one wants Off-the-Rack or Bespoke clothing.
Off-the Rack is the quickest option which doesn’t require in-person fittings, etc. It’s probably safe to budget $900 apiece or 2 x $900 = $1,800
Historical Emporium is a good resource for Off-the-Rack clothing that can be purchased online.
I’ve often mused about the possibility of wearing a kilt on The Run, but it would be a bespoke tartan as I have no clan affiliation unlike my (late) Lotus loving uncle whose roots stretch far back into Scotland and Greater Britain.
Unfortunately, there are at least two drawbacks I can see to wearing a kilt on The Run:
1) Regardless of how thick a kilt’s material is, I believe its impractical for November weather in London. Years ago, I watched a troop of kilt wearing bagpipers playing for charity at Piccadilly Circus in the middle of winter. It was freezing outside, but these pipers played without showing any sign of discomfort. Crazy! I was wearing a sweater, insulated jacket with heavier pants and was still freezing my bum off.
If you’re a diehard and can tolerate extreme cold and discomfort then the kilt is still an option but consider the next caveat before deciding.
2) Kilts are traditionally worn sans underpants which would make a fabulous spectacle for bystanders as you drive The Run. But beyond that there’s another thing you should know about kilts, and it has to do with Las Vegas. Las Vegas? Yes, Lost Wages Nevada.
This is the other part of wearing a kilt that nobody ever mentions.
Here’s a story I heard from a reliable source. There’s a gal who went to Las Vegas with her kilt wearing Scottish husband. Said gal and husband got into an elevator at their hotel and another woman got into the elevator behind them after which they all started their upwards trip to whatever floors they were going to. The elevator car wasn’t the only thing going up. The other woman stepped over to the husband and casually reached her hand up and under the Scotsman’s kilt and felt around for a second or two and then smiled. The wife who watched this happen was shocked speechless. After the woman got off the elevator the wife asked her husband “Exactly what was that was about?” Very nonchalantly Scotty told his wife, “Oh that? That’s nothing. Happens all the time. She just wanted to make sure I wasn’t wearing any underpants”. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. NOT! I heard about this, so it didn’t stay there as famously advertised.
You have been warned about the perils of wearing a kilt! Nevertheless, if neither of the above drawbacks bother you then do consider a bespoke kilt for The Run.
There is other bespoke clothing to be had but it will be triple the Rack price so budget a minimum of $3,000 per outfit or 2 x $3,000 = $6,000
There are many options for bespoke clothing including Darcy's in East Sussex and 19th Century Clothing in Bournemouth
NOTE: Being seen with a dead fox stole draped over one’s shoulders may have been fashionable 120 years ago but could be disapprovingly frowned upon today. If a pelt is part of your ensemble, think about going with an imitation fur that looks like the real thing. What did Oscar Wilde write back in the day? “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness”. Whilst Mr. Wilde wasn’t talking about fur, I do believe the OG greatness of the fox, lynx, chinchilla, harp seal, etc. will surely be flattered by your fake fur choice of good conscience.
Since we’re already in London why not get tubular and take the Underground to Camden Market where you can comb through numerous vintage clothing shops and maybe even get inked with a tatt of your brass era baby or perhaps a bucket filled with cash.
There are many VCR outfit shopping options in Camden Town, but you should also consider Brick Lane in Shoreditch which has both vintage clothing shops and a plethora of places to satisfy any naan and curry hankerings you may have.
Reminds me of a song I once heard,
“Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
We're off to Waterloo
Me and me Mum and me Dad and me Gran
And a bucket of Vindaloo
Bucket!
Vindaloo
Vindaloo
Vindaloo
Vindaloo nah nah”
Fat Les (Vin-Da-Loo – 1998)
Did someone say “Bucket”? I’ve got a Bucket! A bucket of cash, but it’s starting to run low with all these VCR expenditures. Maybe I should call me Mum and me Dad and me Gran and ask for a monetary infusion otherwise I’ll never get us to STEP 17 where we finally get a chance to…
STEP 17 – DRIVE IT LIKE YOU STOLE IT
It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for! By this point we’ve returned home (to Wherever You Are In The World) and have left our brass era baby safe and sound at WINDRUSH in central London. It’s okay. Baby isn’t lonely because it happens to be surrounded by millions upon millions upon millions of dollars of supercars all camped out and waiting for their owners come by and take them out for a tear on London’s streets. You too will soon be stopping in at WINDRUSH to pick up baby take it out for a spin.
Did I mention that guests staying on the street side of any hotel facing Park Lane will be treated to the sound of supercars ripping the asphalt at every hour of the day and night? Trust me on this as I speak from experience. Here’s a pro-tip. Get a room on the opposite side of the hotel facing away from Park Lane. You will sleep way better at night and as a bonus you might even get a view of The London Eye and The Shard if you're on a high floor.
Anyways, a couple months have already passed with the calendar rapidlyapproaching the Regent Street Motor Show just a week away.
We’re forking out another $18,000 for lay flat airline seats (you + bestie) and around $7,900 for a week of hotel accommodations. We’re going to arrive in London a few days early to shake off any jet lag and be fresh and alert for everything that’s still to come.
Here’s where I let you in on a something that many people don’t know. Veteran Cars need to be driven. Err… Duhhhhhhh you say. Am I right? Listen, I’m quite serious. In order to stay primed and in-tune, these rolling antiques should be driven at least once a week and ours has been sitting idle in storage for at least two months. Because of that we’re going to try to drive it once a day (during daylight hours mind you) up until The Run itself.
Furthermore, we’ve never driven our brass era baby in traffic on London’s city streets which is going to be a lot different than driving on the streets back at home. What to do? What to do???
Okay, here’s the plan. We’re going to find some quieter streets near WINDRUSH and take our brass era car out for driving practice but… we won’t be alone. We’re going to find a local (i.e. Londoner) prior VCR participant or volunteer Field Marshall to shadow us in their daily driver while we try our hand at driving on city streets. Cost? You’re kidding, right? A true VCR aficionado would jump at the opportunity to be part of your test runs in the city. I’m going with $0 for this part. Maybe go out for a cuppa afterwards to celebrate your success.
But all of this reminds me of something I forgot back in STEP 6 which is to know every nut and bolt on your car. When I say every nut and bolt, I’m talking about going through your vehicle end-to-end with calipers and figuring out what size wrenches or sockets are needed for each part or fitting. Then annotate photocopies of any schematics or renderings (or even your own photos) of the car with all the corresponding tool sizes. Why?
Here’s the other thing I forgot which goes in STEP 11.
Pack a toolkit that has every wrench, socket, and screwdriver you might need to repair your brass era baby. Sure, you can buy tools in London but why do that when you can bring your own. We’ll add $650 to the budget for some quality tools and a carry-on size blast proof plastic pick-foam lined carrying case. Did you catch what I just said? Carry-on. The tools are going to fly with you in the overhead compartment of the aircraft cabin if possible (check with your airline for restrictions). I would rather replace underwear and a toothbrush if they succumb to becoming lost luggage rather than try to find SAE, Metric or (hardest to find) Whitworth / British Standard hand tools in London. Tools weigh a lot, so triage your tool kit for the most important ones and keep weighing your tool kit until you’re just under the max carry-on weight. The least important tools that are generic and easy to find (i.e. Screwdrivers) can go as checked luggage. Remember to label the inside of your carry-on toolkit with both your home address and hotel stay information for your stay in London as a precaution. I’d even go so far as to put an Apple Air Tag in or on the carry-on so as to know exactly where it is at all times.
In any event you’ve just flown back to London (Edwardian outfit, tools, underwear, etc.), picked up baby from WINDRUSH and are proceeding to drive it like you stole it which (by the way) is how every self-respecting Ferrari owning Londoner drives on a daily basis.
London cab thwarts a "drive it like you stole it" moment near Swiss Court
It feels like “donkey years” (It’s a British thing. The American equivalent might be “dog years”. I haven’t quite figured out the conversion factor yet.) have passed since we first bought our brass era baby, but it has only been months, weeks and days that have flown by. The Run is approaching quickly and now we’re thinking of the hours, minutes, and seconds before we need to…
STEP 18 – STRICTLY COME DANCING
My (late) Lotus loving Uncle from Kent (we met him in STEP 5) was an admirer of the wisdom and analects of the Chinese philosopher Confucius. I’m reminded of an old saying we discussed some years ago that went as follows:
“A person who journeys 100 miles
should consider mile 99 as being halfway.”
~ ancient Asian idiom
When we took the first step on this dance, our goal of participating in the VCR seemed to be equivalent to taking a 100-mile journey over a vast uncharted territory. But we persisted, overcame challenges (my math, science and geometry skills to name but a few), and find that we’re now standing at mile 99 with the VCR Pre-Run Briefing, Regent Street Motor Show and The Run itself coming up in the next couple days. If you think about everything we’ve done to get to this point you’ll realize that this is only the 50% mark and you’ve freestyled beautifully through the steps to get here! The remaining 50% of the dance is for you to complete as you wish. But remember there is no joy in performing rote movements which are inherently boring; whereas there is great fulfillment when one dances a dance.
The unembellished truth is that through the years there are undoubtedly people who’ve done The Run for no other reason than to say that they did it. That’s like going to the top of the Eiffel Tower, staying in the elevator and going right back down to ground level without enjoying the panoramic view. Where’s the fun in that? The big difference between you and those other guys is that you want to do The Run not only for your own happiness but for the joy it brings others. You, my antique auto loving friend, are going to STRICTLY COME DANCING.
This is the part when I ask you,
“Did I miss anything in my Step-by-Step instructions?”
and you say,
“I don’t think so dude. That guide was pretty OCD if you ask me.”
and then I say,
“Excellent. Goals achieved! So now let me ask you this. Are You Ready?”
and you say,
“Who? Me? I Was Born Ready!”
and I say,
“Cool, very cool…”
Thank you for taking this journey with me and for letting me spend your bucket of cash.
~ A.S.W.
ENDNOTE: I lost track of expenses back in STEP 11, but I guesstimate the total to be right around $200K. You can beat down costs significantly if you:
- already own a tow vehicle
- purchase a no-frills trailer
- use an inexpensive tarp instead of a bespoke car cover
- fly in economy class
- throw caution to the wind (also known as corrosive salt laden air) and ship via ocean freight
- store the vehicle at CARS warehouse in Surrey for £50/week
- stay in less swanky accommodations that are farther from Hyde Park
- shop locally at home for vintage clothing
The bucket of cash might still be empty at this point, but the VCR experience will be PRICELESS.
|
No comments:
Post a Comment